Advice me not

I always do this. I say I need advice and then I never really ask for it. I am not complaining though. I realize I have done this with most of the life decisions I have made thus far...or at least all the big ones. I did it when I was deciding where to go to college, I did it when I was deciding whether to study abroad or not, I did it when I was deciding whether to move to Italy or not and I did it when I was trying to decide whether or not to move in with my ex. I guess I just like for my decisions to be mine, without the input of others. I like to try to figure things out on my own. I like to try to figure out how I really feel about thing and what I think I should do before I ask other people what they think is right for me and my life, that's just the way I am.

I guess when it comes to big decisions I am just scared of making rash decisions and looking back 2 months later and thinking "Oh my goodness, what the fuck did I do?" but as my friend, Anita told me "Cyn, you may say rash things when you are angry, but in all the time I have known you, you have not yet made a rash decision." I asked her what she meant and what she said was so true. Basically, by the time I even get around to expressing an idea to others I have already been mulling it over in my head for quite a while. When I do come around to talking about these big decisions I already have a pretty clear idea in my head of what I want. So, why ask for advice? Well, I guess at that point it really isn't advice, is it? I guess I just want to know if the reaction from the people who know me best will be "Dude, what the hell are you doing?" which it hasn't been. As Anita made abundantly clear the other day I already know what my decision is, it is clear as day on my face... I know I am making the right decisions for myself at this moment.

I'm not ready for all the world to know my decisions, but when I am ready for everyone in my life to know what I am thinking then I will tell them and until then all I can say is that I know there are people out there who may not agree with how I live my life or the decisions I make, but all I can say is that it's my life and I will live it as I see fit. The consequences of my actions will affect my life and no one else's at this point in my life and therefore I will do what I think I should be doing, regardless of what others think. I am happy and excited!