Advice

I am in the middle of trying to make some very important life decisions. Decisions which will have a very real impact on my present and my future. I am very lost and don't know what to do. One minute I want to choose A and the next I am sure that what I want is B. I know deep down what I really want, but it's not that easy! This is one decision in which a Pro/Con list doesn't help. A has a lot of cons as does B, it's a matter of what I want, what I am willing to sacrifice, what that says about me. It's a BIG decision and I keep going back and forth and unfortunately it is not a decision I can wait on. I have to decide by the end of the month!

Something that took me by surprise is that as I am sitting here frustrated, trying to grapple with the reality and the weight of this/these decisions I realize I need advice, I need someone to bounce these ideas off of. 3 people automatically came into mind. Kate, because she always gives me up front advice, she makes me laugh when I am feeling depressed, she lets me just cry on cam and she uses her dog to try to make me feel better and she has no problem saying, "Cyn, just suck it up and deal with it," which is what I love about her. She never says, "You should do this." She just helps me clear out my ideas and arrive at my own conclusion in a much more sane way that I ever would have without her. She is very biased in this decision, actually, all the people involved are very biased, but she tries very hard to put that aside and I just know that I need her help at the moment. The second person that came to mind is Anita. I think that's because she is one of my best friends here, she is incredibly honest and insightful. She is another person who won't make up my mind for me, but will put me on the right path to my decision. She will listen and she will be blunt and I need that right now. PLus, I am going to see her in a few minutes!

What gave me the biggest surprise is the third person I felt the need to talk to... my Mother. I couldn't help but think, "I need to talk to my mom." This is a huge surprise for me, because up until now I have made most of my big life decisions without the advice of my parents, they have been my decisions 100%, which is not to say that I am going to follow my moms advice, because at the end of the day I live by the mantra that my decisions are my own, but it would be nice to know what she thinks. I guess I was just surprised because while I do share parts of my life with my mom I have found that I have become very guarded about what I share and what I do not share with my family in general. Let's face it, there are certain things parents don't need to know, they don't need to know about their child's romantic life, at least not until something/someone important comes along, they don't need to know about those drunken nights out with friends and I am sure that if I really thought about it I could think up of a million other things parents don't need to know about their kids... The phrase "Ojos que no ven, corazon que no siente" comes to mind. I have come to realize that I share about 20% of my going-ons with my family, which is how I like it. For some reason I feel the need to bounce these ideas of mine off my mom, mainly because she has never had a problem telling me that she thinks I am living my life the wrong way/doing the wrong thing. While I may not always take her advice it is good to know what she thinks, though sometimes and on certain subjects I prefer not to know. I guess the time is come to call my mom and just ask her to listen and give me some advice.

Sidenote: I just came back from my morning out with Anita and I feel better already. I talked thing out with me and like she said, "It seems to me that you have made your decision already... I mention 'Option A' and your face has a smile on it and you seem in peace, I mention 'Option B' and the change in your body, your face everything is palpable" I am definitely leaning more towards one than the other, one just feels right to me... like Anita said, "It seems like your gut is telling you something, maybe you should listen to it."