Dinner
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Breakfast
(sliced and mixed)
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Sunday, September 12, 2010
Random Ramblings
*I have been so moody these past two days and I have no idea why. I am not a generally moody person. Usually if I am in a bad mood or pissy something has happened to make me that way, but I was just in a BAD mood yesterday and it took a lot of self control not to snap at people because, well, they didn't do anything and it's not their fault I was in a bad mood. Then today it happened again... let's just hope it's pms!
* I ran into the ex this past week. It was pleasantly surprising! I needed some body wash and I guess also needed some because we ran into each other in the body wash isle. We ended up chatting and laughing (real laughter, not forced) for about 20 minutes. It was nice and it made me happy to see that he is doing well. Afterwards I got to thinking how far I had come. It's almost a year to the day that we broke up (the first time) and at the time I didn't know how I would move on from it...it was a rough time (so rough the song in the video below would be enough to send me into a mini-anxiety/panic attack) but look at me now! I am happy and I am definitely going forward with my life!
* I actually drove today and I might be driving again tomorrow! It has been years since I even sat in the drivers seat of a car, let alone maneuver one. It was a lot of fun and I was really scared at first (in part because I was driving a convertible sporty Mercedes and really didn't want to do anything to it) but it went really well!!!
* This video makes me happy, watch it and maybe it will make you happy, too! :)
* Just a few things I found on the interwebs that I found interesting/pretty/funny:
Goodbye Summer!
This past week the weather changed. It went from nice, sunny and warm to cool and rainy... you could almost feel the seasons start to change.. Today was warm-ish and the weather is supposed to be warm enough in the next days, but this past week was a foreshadowing of what is to come in the next few months. Even though it is warm outside there is still a chill in the air that wasn't there a few weeks ago. So, yes, my friends, autumn is upon us. I have to admit that I am not all that sad to bid summer adieu. I will say this much, though... it was a good summer :)
I got to go backstage and dance on stage with Skin (she was so nice) and with certain people from The Black Eyed Peas (even ended up back at their hotel along with a friend)
Spent quite a bit of time bagging some rays with my roommate
Attended my first Palio dell'Oca after many years of living in Trento
Hung out with friends
Went to Ireland, drank a lot of Guinness, stayed in a castle and met some amazing people
Munich
Playing hide and seek in complete darkness at a friends house at 2am
(my friends house just happens to be a castle)
Salzburg
(If you look closely at these you might recognize a few places from The Sound of Music!!!)
(like this one...)
(...and this one...)
(...and this one...)
(...and this one...)
(...and this one...)
and well, let's be honest, there were a few drunken nights!
Friday, September 10, 2010
Advice me not
I always do this. I say I need advice and then I never really ask for it. I am not complaining though. I realize I have done this with most of the life decisions I have made thus far...or at least all the big ones. I did it when I was deciding where to go to college, I did it when I was deciding whether to study abroad or not, I did it when I was deciding whether to move to Italy or not and I did it when I was trying to decide whether or not to move in with my ex. I guess I just like for my decisions to be mine, without the input of others. I like to try to figure things out on my own. I like to try to figure out how I really feel about thing and what I think I should do before I ask other people what they think is right for me and my life, that's just the way I am.
I guess when it comes to big decisions I am just scared of making rash decisions and looking back 2 months later and thinking "Oh my goodness, what the fuck did I do?" but as my friend, Anita told me "Cyn, you may say rash things when you are angry, but in all the time I have known you, you have not yet made a rash decision." I asked her what she meant and what she said was so true. Basically, by the time I even get around to expressing an idea to others I have already been mulling it over in my head for quite a while. When I do come around to talking about these big decisions I already have a pretty clear idea in my head of what I want. So, why ask for advice? Well, I guess at that point it really isn't advice, is it? I guess I just want to know if the reaction from the people who know me best will be "Dude, what the hell are you doing?" which it hasn't been. As Anita made abundantly clear the other day I already know what my decision is, it is clear as day on my face... I know I am making the right decisions for myself at this moment.
I'm not ready for all the world to know my decisions, but when I am ready for everyone in my life to know what I am thinking then I will tell them and until then all I can say is that I know there are people out there who may not agree with how I live my life or the decisions I make, but all I can say is that it's my life and I will live it as I see fit. The consequences of my actions will affect my life and no one else's at this point in my life and therefore I will do what I think I should be doing, regardless of what others think. I am happy and excited!
I guess when it comes to big decisions I am just scared of making rash decisions and looking back 2 months later and thinking "Oh my goodness, what the fuck did I do?" but as my friend, Anita told me "Cyn, you may say rash things when you are angry, but in all the time I have known you, you have not yet made a rash decision." I asked her what she meant and what she said was so true. Basically, by the time I even get around to expressing an idea to others I have already been mulling it over in my head for quite a while. When I do come around to talking about these big decisions I already have a pretty clear idea in my head of what I want. So, why ask for advice? Well, I guess at that point it really isn't advice, is it? I guess I just want to know if the reaction from the people who know me best will be "Dude, what the hell are you doing?" which it hasn't been. As Anita made abundantly clear the other day I already know what my decision is, it is clear as day on my face... I know I am making the right decisions for myself at this moment.
I'm not ready for all the world to know my decisions, but when I am ready for everyone in my life to know what I am thinking then I will tell them and until then all I can say is that I know there are people out there who may not agree with how I live my life or the decisions I make, but all I can say is that it's my life and I will live it as I see fit. The consequences of my actions will affect my life and no one else's at this point in my life and therefore I will do what I think I should be doing, regardless of what others think. I am happy and excited!
Saturday, September 4, 2010
Advice
I am in the middle of trying to make some very important life decisions. Decisions which will have a very real impact on my present and my future. I am very lost and don't know what to do. One minute I want to choose A and the next I am sure that what I want is B. I know deep down what I really want, but it's not that easy! This is one decision in which a Pro/Con list doesn't help. A has a lot of cons as does B, it's a matter of what I want, what I am willing to sacrifice, what that says about me. It's a BIG decision and I keep going back and forth and unfortunately it is not a decision I can wait on. I have to decide by the end of the month!
Something that took me by surprise is that as I am sitting here frustrated, trying to grapple with the reality and the weight of this/these decisions I realize I need advice, I need someone to bounce these ideas off of. 3 people automatically came into mind. Kate, because she always gives me up front advice, she makes me laugh when I am feeling depressed, she lets me just cry on cam and she uses her dog to try to make me feel better and she has no problem saying, "Cyn, just suck it up and deal with it," which is what I love about her. She never says, "You should do this." She just helps me clear out my ideas and arrive at my own conclusion in a much more sane way that I ever would have without her. She is very biased in this decision, actually, all the people involved are very biased, but she tries very hard to put that aside and I just know that I need her help at the moment. The second person that came to mind is Anita. I think that's because she is one of my best friends here, she is incredibly honest and insightful. She is another person who won't make up my mind for me, but will put me on the right path to my decision. She will listen and she will be blunt and I need that right now. PLus, I am going to see her in a few minutes!
What gave me the biggest surprise is the third person I felt the need to talk to... my Mother. I couldn't help but think, "I need to talk to my mom." This is a huge surprise for me, because up until now I have made most of my big life decisions without the advice of my parents, they have been my decisions 100%, which is not to say that I am going to follow my moms advice, because at the end of the day I live by the mantra that my decisions are my own, but it would be nice to know what she thinks. I guess I was just surprised because while I do share parts of my life with my mom I have found that I have become very guarded about what I share and what I do not share with my family in general. Let's face it, there are certain things parents don't need to know, they don't need to know about their child's romantic life, at least not until something/someone important comes along, they don't need to know about those drunken nights out with friends and I am sure that if I really thought about it I could think up of a million other things parents don't need to know about their kids... The phrase "Ojos que no ven, corazon que no siente" comes to mind. I have come to realize that I share about 20% of my going-ons with my family, which is how I like it. For some reason I feel the need to bounce these ideas of mine off my mom, mainly because she has never had a problem telling me that she thinks I am living my life the wrong way/doing the wrong thing. While I may not always take her advice it is good to know what she thinks, though sometimes and on certain subjects I prefer not to know. I guess the time is come to call my mom and just ask her to listen and give me some advice.
Sidenote: I just came back from my morning out with Anita and I feel better already. I talked thing out with me and like she said, "It seems to me that you have made your decision already... I mention 'Option A' and your face has a smile on it and you seem in peace, I mention 'Option B' and the change in your body, your face everything is palpable" I am definitely leaning more towards one than the other, one just feels right to me... like Anita said, "It seems like your gut is telling you something, maybe you should listen to it."
Something that took me by surprise is that as I am sitting here frustrated, trying to grapple with the reality and the weight of this/these decisions I realize I need advice, I need someone to bounce these ideas off of. 3 people automatically came into mind. Kate, because she always gives me up front advice, she makes me laugh when I am feeling depressed, she lets me just cry on cam and she uses her dog to try to make me feel better and she has no problem saying, "Cyn, just suck it up and deal with it," which is what I love about her. She never says, "You should do this." She just helps me clear out my ideas and arrive at my own conclusion in a much more sane way that I ever would have without her. She is very biased in this decision, actually, all the people involved are very biased, but she tries very hard to put that aside and I just know that I need her help at the moment. The second person that came to mind is Anita. I think that's because she is one of my best friends here, she is incredibly honest and insightful. She is another person who won't make up my mind for me, but will put me on the right path to my decision. She will listen and she will be blunt and I need that right now. PLus, I am going to see her in a few minutes!
What gave me the biggest surprise is the third person I felt the need to talk to... my Mother. I couldn't help but think, "I need to talk to my mom." This is a huge surprise for me, because up until now I have made most of my big life decisions without the advice of my parents, they have been my decisions 100%, which is not to say that I am going to follow my moms advice, because at the end of the day I live by the mantra that my decisions are my own, but it would be nice to know what she thinks. I guess I was just surprised because while I do share parts of my life with my mom I have found that I have become very guarded about what I share and what I do not share with my family in general. Let's face it, there are certain things parents don't need to know, they don't need to know about their child's romantic life, at least not until something/someone important comes along, they don't need to know about those drunken nights out with friends and I am sure that if I really thought about it I could think up of a million other things parents don't need to know about their kids... The phrase "Ojos que no ven, corazon que no siente" comes to mind. I have come to realize that I share about 20% of my going-ons with my family, which is how I like it. For some reason I feel the need to bounce these ideas of mine off my mom, mainly because she has never had a problem telling me that she thinks I am living my life the wrong way/doing the wrong thing. While I may not always take her advice it is good to know what she thinks, though sometimes and on certain subjects I prefer not to know. I guess the time is come to call my mom and just ask her to listen and give me some advice.
Sidenote: I just came back from my morning out with Anita and I feel better already. I talked thing out with me and like she said, "It seems to me that you have made your decision already... I mention 'Option A' and your face has a smile on it and you seem in peace, I mention 'Option B' and the change in your body, your face everything is palpable" I am definitely leaning more towards one than the other, one just feels right to me... like Anita said, "It seems like your gut is telling you something, maybe you should listen to it."
Friday, September 3, 2010
Brought me to tears
I saw this video on one of the blogs I read and it just moved me to tears... I want that! I refuse to settle until I find a love like that!
Danny & Annie from StoryCorps on Vimeo.
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