I was having lunch with my roommate, or rather we both just ended up eating lunch around the same time, and she mentioned how when she was younger there was this guy who liked her. He was nerdy, skinny, pale, liked Shakespeare, math, played the piano...etc, by western society's socio-cultural norms this kid was a geek (mind you they were anywhere in the age range of 18-21). Now, I tend to have a thing for geeks, so much so, that I used to be the proud owner of a shirt that said " I ♥ NERDS". Anyway, she mentioned how this guy was very nice, he was a good guy, he was smart, funny, helpful and whatnot, she laughs and mentions how basically that guy is exactly what her boyfriend now is like. She turns to me and goes "5-7 years later I ended up with someone who is exactly like this guy who I would have never dated back then." She then said something that is more true than she could ever know "I didn't want the guy who was worth it, I wanted the hot one." Ah, the age old parable... girl (or boy) doesn't realize what s(he) has in front of her(him) at the time but comes to realize it with time. Haven't we all been in this situation at least once in our lives? I know I have, both as the one who didn't realize what I had in front of me and as the one who wasn't given the value they deserved and was therefore passed over. I guess sometimes it just takes time to realize what (and who) merits our time and what (and who) doesn't. Unfortunately, by the time we grow up, mature and realize what truly matters it's too late...Or is it? maybe it just means next time you are in a similar situation you are able to see what you have in front of you.
I know we have all heard it...looks fade, beauty is in the eye of the beholder, eventually all you are left with is a companion... let's face it when we are younger we hear these sayings time and time again, but we don't care. We want the hot one, the ones our friends think are hot, they can have their faults, major ones at that, but their hotness is such that it scorches our sight, impairs our visibility. If we are lucky with time we grow out of this. The things we look for in our partner, the things we place absolute importance on change. We are able to look past certain shortcomings which once were non-negotiables and realize that he more than makes up for it in other ways, ways that matter. He may not be super hot, he may have hair in places we don't always want our partners to have hair, he may have a couple extra pounds or be far too skinny, maybe he has a couple extra blemishes, he may be too pale, he may have crooked teeth, he may be bald...it's always something... but you know what, he may have an amazing sense of humor, maybe he treats you in a way that makes you feel like you are the only woman alive, maybe he gives you a sense of security, maybe he does things that leave you in awe, he motivates you, he supports you in your endeavors, he makes you feel loved... and suddenly this person that you underestimated in the beginning, that you were never really attracted to becomes absolutely beautiful to you. They are beautiful on the inside and amazingly enough you don't even notice the other things that you once didn't like about them, in fact sometimes you come to appreciate these things.
Eventually you learn to see past certain things and suddenly you realize those adages you grew up hearing hold some truth to them. Let's face it, looks do fade (we, as in human beings, go bald, our skin loses its radiance, we get sun/age spots, we often lose our mobility, etc...), so if that is what your relationship was based on, if the main reason you are with a person is because of how they look, then I am sorry to have to tell you that you are screwed, because if your looks happen to go first you might find that your partner has left right along with them. Beauty truly is in the eye of the beholder, I know that on occasion my view of a person has changed drastically once I have gotten to know them... men I once thought were hot have suddenly lost their luster when I realize that they are selfish/self-centered/unkind/dim-witted/have no sense of humor/disrespectful or any given combination of these. I have also found myself realizing that maybe I underestimated certain individuals, that maybe I was too shallow to realize what they had to offer at first, that who they are makes them shine more than all the beautiful faces put together. In the end we really do end up with companions, let'ts face it, love is complex and it is anything but static, it mutates, evolves, it undergoes millions of tiny metamorphoses. The love you feel at the beginning of a relationship is not the same as the love you feel 5 years down the line, which in turn, is not the same as what you feel 25 years later. This, however, is in no way a bad thing, it can be, but it doesn't have to be! Other changes take place... women go through menopause and often this has an effect on their sexuality, most men deal with erectile dysfunction at one point or another, many have prostate problems which can lead to impotence. I am not saying that sexual activities have no importance, believe me, you guys know that I am the first person to admit that sex is important. What I am saying is that often with age sexual activity becomes limited...and if (when) that happens you had better hope to God/Allah/Yahweh/whichever higher power you choose to believe in, that you chose a partner whose company you enjoy, whose friendship you value and whose conversation enthralls you.
Unfortunately, these are things you come to understand with age... only with age do we truly realize who merits our time, our hearts, our attention, our efforts...and most importantly, who does not.
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